Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

The Dress She Wears by ~sculptorchic:iconsculptorchic:



The Dress She Wears

It rides the slow curve of her hips
pulls tight against them as she walks
her gait confined to conscious steps.
Not long enough to be lady-like,
too long to be whorish, it falls
heavily over tired thighs, licking
the tops of her knees.  The neckline
plunges.  A greedy vice, it squeezes
the bulk of her heavy breasts up
until they spill out for all to see.
Its coarse and jealous-green fabric
scratches her most delicate places
rubbing them raw, I know, until
her skin weeps a salty pink.
Made before we were born, it is
given us by our mothers and theirs
before.  It suits us just the same.
The dress she wears is thin as skin
and frayed beyond repair.  Lined
with fear and trimmed with guilt,  
I put mine on each morning, as if
it were the only one I'll ever need.
©2006-2009 ~sculptorchic
:iconsculptorchic:

Author's Comments

woman as pawn/by design?/by choice?

Daily Deviation

Given 2006-11-22

The Dress She Wears by ~sculptorchic is a poem like a dress with a silky flow, weaved with powerful narrative and imagery, seamed into a delicate metre. (Suggested by *diamondie and Featured by `imperfect)

Comments


love 0 0 joy 1 1 wow 1 1 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 1 1
:icondiamondie:
The description and imagery is excellent, but I think I like the narrative and flow even more. It's a powerful piece for sure. I can't really find anything critical to say.
:iconbacon-n-eggs-2002:
I'm amazed just how much description you can make about a dress. This is really compelling, I find it paints a picture in my head.

:+fav:
:iconsalshep:
A very nice image, dress as both self-imposed and handed-down limitation. Well written too, a clear language that lets your images through nicely. Needs some consistency in punctuation, and the only part I could see might need some tightening was :

"Its coarse and jealous-green fabric
scratches her most delicate places
rubbing them raw, I know, until
her skin weeps a salty pink."

I think 'fabric' 'most' 'I know' 'her skin' (they weep)and the 'a' before 'salty pink' are all superfluous. Just my tastes, though.

Thanks for posting this,I enjoyed the read. :)

--
LIT NEEDS SOUND

Make A Noise About It Here
:iconsculptorchic:
I think you may be right about the "a," but I am a traditionalist and I tend to count beats and syllables so that's where I get some of the added wordage. I love the word "superfluous" and if its taken to mean "running over" it is kind of in keeping with the theme of the poem. Am I being too defensive?

--
Quiet the monkeys screaming in my head!
:iconsalshep:
Not a bit, it's your poem after all. However, wanting to fulfill a metrical pattern is IMO no excuse for choosing weak words, when strong ones of as many syllables surely must exist. Nor should a strong line be made to suffer the indignity of enjambment on piddly, unimportant words. But that's me, pernickity thing that I am. Something to think on, take or leave:

Its fabric, coarse and jealous-green,
scratches her in delicate places,
rubbing them raw until her skin
is salty pink and weeping.

Once more, a good read and thanks for it.

--
LIT NEEDS SOUND

Make A Noise About It Here
:iconsalshep:
or 'chafes them raw'. Chafes is such a nasty word, +fav. :D

--
LIT NEEDS SOUND

Make A Noise About It Here
:icondrippingwithwords:
love it. the words, the imagery... just awesome. nothing to critique! its great as-is!
:icontearsofacrescent:
Beautiful.

--
Creativity is the true masterpiece.
please view my :gallery: :dance:
:iconseph-ora:
gorgeous. very good.

Details

September 13, 2006
1.1 KB

Statistics

39
84 [who?]
2,555 (0 today)
51 (0 today)

Share

Link
Thumb

Site Map